The Power of Saying No

February 20, 2023
Patrick, a professor of marketing at the University of Houston, advances a notion of “empowered refusal” in her upbeat debut. After acceding to a boss’s arbitrary request to stay late at the office to receive a fax in her mid-20s, Patrick resolved to find a better way to say no and formulated a method driven by one’s “values, priorities, and perspectives.” Here, she outlines a three-part plan for obtaining this “superskill.” First, it’s important to understand why people unwillingly say yes; for one, humans are wired to seek social harmony, and saying no is a “socially dispreferred response.” Next, readers should better understand the priorities that motivate their choices. Finally, the author shares practical tools to handle pushback, such as delegating the refusal or explaining that “no” is part of a “personal policy.” Patrick draws on psychological research and cultural references to illustrate her ideas, and while some don’t do much to advance the argument—as when she cites Katherine Heigl’s character in the movie 27 Dresses as an example of someone who can’t turn down friends’ requests, in this case ending up a bridesmaid in nearly 30 weddings—readers will appreciate her practical strategies and encouraging tone. Despite its weaker moments, this is motivating.

May 1, 2023
Why do we so often say "yes" when we really mean "no?" Patrick, a marketing professor at the University of Houston, has spent years researching that question. By analyzing data from interviews, surveys, and test cases, the author has discovered two driving forces: the desire to be seen as warm and as competent. Both factor into our tendency to give in, even when we're not convinced it's for the right reasons. Patrick says the solution is the "empowered refusal." This allows us to consider our values while conveying determination and discouraging pushback. With a series of brief tests, Patrick helps readers understand their typical reactions to requests and the history behind them. Instead of imposing a blueprint on this process, the author encourages readers to create their own personal policies, i.e., a simple set of rules that reflect their values and priorities. These policies will enable them to evaluate requests and make firm, empowered choices. Filled with personal anecdotes, case studies, and quotes from literature, this persuasive book will set readers on the path to self-awareness and empowerment.

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